Can I spank my child occasionally? How do I discipline my child?

YOU ASKED ME TO WASH HANDS ! DIDN’T YOU ? ?

WOULD YOU SPANK YOUR CHILD FOR THIS?

Spanking is your way out of helplessness. You do it to control…BUT
There are reasons for you to not give in to your anger in this way

Spanking at any age is not good and aggression is only one of the countless problems that may arise from it.

Have you ever asked your self that why is it do you hit your child ??
• Is it failure of your discipline
• Is it to get immediate compliance from your child
• Do you think that it is the only way your child listens to you
• Is it to show them that you are the boss
• You came to that state of helplessness and it is the only course to prove that you are right

Why? Why? Why?

None of the reasons you give can justify the act. It is the ultimate form of disrespect towards another human being. Be it a one year old child or your neighbor across the yard.

Here are a few reasons why you hit and why it is wrong

• OCCASIONAL SPANKING IS FINE

May be you are right but disciplining in this way comes at a cost of resentful child who feels that hitting is a solution to problems. This may not be obvious initially but as your child grows you may find a pattern in a child who has been hit in childhood.
He may start off with hitting other children in school, start telling lies, may show anti social behavior on growing up or may be extra subdued in the their work. They may even lose their decision making power and may perform poorly in school and work place.

Spanking is an unwise quick fix for the problems you are facing now and it leads to bigger problems with time.
Also since you have more physical power, you may overdo it and cause bodily harm to the child.

• SPANKING HELPS IN MANAGING THE CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR WELL

Again you may be right but your innocent child has a short attention spell and she innocently forgets it for the time being and bounces back to normal. But somewhere inside she has been hurt and this emotional trauma lasts forever and reflects in the form of anger, insecurity, and bossy behaviour later on in life.
You will also find the child repeating the act for which he was spanked because he has already paid for that act last time. So there was no guilt at the time for his act. In addition there is no learning that his behaviour was wrong… So go for constructive punishments rather thabn taking the short cut to vent out your anger.

Your child may react to your spanking and stop repeating the behaviour out of fear. WHICH IS NOT OUR PURPOSE? He should know why he is not supposed to do it.

• MY CHILD HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A FINE ADULT AFTER SPANKING

Well, you’ve been lucky and not everyone will be. Most of the time even the ‘fine adult’ who has been spanked in childhood harbours the feeling of worthlessness and depression. There may be a lot of emotional baggage that he is carrying which you do not realize but to create a fine loving and HAPPY adult…spanking is definitely not a way out.

Remember that loving your child after spanking confuses them even more and she associates love with violence. She would tend to hit her kids more and unknowingly you have given a difficult adulthood to your child by the simple act of spanking.

TIPS TO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD WITHOUT SPANKING

• A child less than 4 years old cannot link his behavior with physical punishment. So just telling him a firm no and distracting him from what he is doing will drive the point across.
• You may give time outs for 2-3 minutes. Sometimes a child is so pure and innocent that after doing something wrong, she may herself give herself time outs.
• You can have a naughty corner or a naughty carpet at home which he will soon recognize as his punishment corner and try not to repeat the act.
• You may give positive reinforcement by giving a star for every good act and reward every 15th star with a thing that she likes.
• For an older child you may have negotiations, withdrawal of privileges or talks about the negative consequences that act might have.

The bottom-line is not to discipline your child with fear but lots of love and hugs and kisses and see how she unfolds into a wonderful human being.

we welcome your views on this topic in our forum.

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