My 5 year old child lies to me.what do I do?

Jan 30, 2009 in Intelligent Parenting

What should I do to stop my child’s lying?

lying by children can be because of ‘innocence’, defence or habit.these three causes comes sequentially with age.

INNOCENCE

children less than three years old do not know the difference between right and wrong and fantasy and reality. So, why would you expect them to know the difference between the truth and a lie?
the best way is to stop them from telling a lie is at the earliest stage possible by explaining to them then and there that it is something that is not accepted by anyone (you may give religious reasons or just plain talk).
the important part is to be consistent everytime your child says a lie and you may even give a small punishment like isolating him for 2-3 minutes. do not accept the lie anytime or under any circumstance and your child will get the point.

DEFENCE

with increasing age your child will do this to protect himself or his image at home, in society, at school or with friends.
you have to be extra sensitive and understanding at this time.Instaed of being reactive and angry, be proactive but firm about his lies and try to tell him what is needed without breaking his pride. in simple terms, instead of being angry and making him feel small, tell him that his behaviour is unaccepted and you still love him for his faults.
if you cannot handle this, it is the right time to go to a counselor too.

HABIT

The most dangerous state where your child losses his hesitation in telling a lie. even the guilt factor goes and she may take pride in saving herself or making a fool of others.
Time to spring to action and impressing upon your child that the most important rule is that they always tell you the truth. You should explain to your child the reasons why lying is a bad behavior – and never let your child go unpunished when you catch them in a lie. It is important to be consistent, and to let your child know that lying is NEVER acceptable.
you will have to take the help of a counselor and being in guard everytime. give your child more attention at this time, because this is the most common reason for your child to fall into thius trap.if you were giving enough attention before this stage would not have come.

And be sure to reinforce this by setting a good example. You can’t expect your child to listen to you if you’re caught in a lie!
EVEN A SIMPLE THING LIKE TELLING YOUR CHILD TO TELL ON THE PHONE THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE AT HOME HAS SOWN THE SEED FOR HER. BE READY TO LISTEN TO MORE LIES AFTER THAT.

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